


He Will Never Be Satisfied, I Will Never Be Satisfied

by orphan_account



Category: American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aftercare, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, All the titles of the chapters come from the Reynolds Pamphlet, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Seduction, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Het Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Declarations Of Love, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Graphic Description of Corpses, Hamilton was abusive but he wasn't leading her blindly, Harm to Children, Historical Inaccuracy, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Maria was a victim, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Non-Canon Relationship, Non-Canonical Violence, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Period-Typical Sexism, Period-Typical Underage, Physical Abuse, Post-Divorce, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Protectiveness, Psychological Trauma, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Destruction, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Slut Shaming, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, Victim Blaming, but not a precious innocent victim who did nothing wrong, english is not my first language bear with me please, he's not a straw man, he's right about something, most other ships are actually canon abusive or are sorta there but aren't the main focus, she was sly cunning and clever, she's just not a villian, the main ship is first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:58:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6676915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maria Reynolds was never one to believe in luck. Ever since she was born, she's been on the wrong side of history. She'd never get a legacy. She'd never have seeds; she'd never have a garden. She knew her role, the shackles she was bound by, that every woman was. Until one day, in her stupidity, she saw an escape and began blindly grasping for him, that key she wanted so badly to get. What she got was a Pamphlet. What she got was a divorce. Angelica Schuyler was in anguish. Her Hamilton, her alexander, she doesn't even who he is anymore. The flame in his eyes long smouldered, and that man was long gone and replaced with a man much like the ones who stood against him. Her younger sister's warm love has cooled to impassive stone and Angelica spends her days helping the Hamilton family hold onto it's few remaining and unravelling bonds. When the two meet under extreme chance, the bond they form is undeniable, and the intense parallels and similarities stark and real. However as they draw closer, there comes more mistakes, more pain, always more and more. Is there truly a chance to save them, before it all comes crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tender of the Happiness of an Excellent Wife

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so like, there's two elephants in the room. 1) This work is really triggering so please, read the tags to see if there is anything that makes you uncomfortable. I love everyone in this fandom and I want you all to stay safe and not push your limits. 2) History isn't very favourable to people like Maria and Angelica so I will try to work with the scraps of information that I have about them. However, most of this will not be based on historical facts, except interpretations of the Reynolds pamphlet, a few things I know, and a whole load of BULLSHIIITT (Which is why this is both under AU and Historical Inaccuracy just to be safe
> 
> This is basically my vent piece against A. Ham, so like please join me on this fucked up journey. I love you all for reading this and also one more thing, please don't make jokes/romanticize/ sympathise/or excuse this situation and/or James or Alex's, especially Alex, behaviour. They were Maria's abusers and don't deserve to be romanticised. Also please don't shame or victim blame Maria. Her situation strikes close to home and I really would love it if you just didn't.
> 
> Also, as mentioned in the tags, English is not my first language so please notify me of any mistakes in my writing. Please enjoy my vent fic on how much I hate Alexander Hamilton as a human being. I'm so sorry you all have to deal with me, my shit grammar, and coma abuse.

Angelica, remembers the day like it was yesterday, time has become so surreal since them, that it wouldn’t surprise Angelica if it _**was**_ yesterday. Seconds and hours had stretched and melted together like the paint of a portrait set aflame since then.

Angelica was upstate with Eliza; they were visiting their father with Eliza’s children. It was supposed to be a happy time. Where Angelica could get away from her duties as a wife to a British Member of Parliament as Angelica Schuyler Church and just be the loving, fun, witty older sister. They were seated in a small patch of wildflowers, adjacent to the lake Eliza had so badly wanted to take Hamilton to. But alas, he refused to come due to his desire to get his plan for a National Bank. However, Angelica felt ominous dread from his decision to stay. As Hamilton’s stress was causing his resolve to weaken. She feared his rash behaviour and headstrong mentality would land him into trouble without Angelica nor Eliza to be there by his side.

Angelica did not want to think of such things at the moment. Currently, she was having a picnic with her sister in the wildflowers. They brought a woollen blanket to sit upon and enjoyed the pound cake, biscuit bread, and a french wine courtesy of Eliza. Speaking of which, said woman was positioned closer to the lake running her fingers through the water, teeming with Sunfish, Minnows, and Catfish. Every once in a while, her fingers would brush against their fins, and you’d see sudden larger ripples in the water as the fish swam away.

The silence between the sisters was usually quaint and comfortable, as they took haven in their silent understanding of one another. However, today was not one of those times. Both of them were nervous about Hamilton, and they were tense and uncertain of what to say. Angelica has always had a virtuosic skill with words, never failing to enchant those she spoke with, both men and women alike. It is through this that she befriended people like Lafayette, Jefferson, and Franklin. It also managed her a spot in a social circle that included the prince of wales and playwright Sheridan and painter Trumball. Angelica was a powerful articulate woman, so it perplexed her that with her sister, of all people, she could not think of a decent conversation starter.

“So hows... Peggy doing? It’s a shame she couldn’t join us.” Angelica faltered in the beginning but quickly moved into a topic that would allow them to beat around the obvious bush in their path.

“She’s doing fine, I’m sure. And it indeed is a shame, but her marriage to Mr Rensselear has taken up much of her time, but I do not blame her.” She spoke, not looking up from the fish as they flicked their tails through the murky water.

“Her husband is indeed a busy man. Thus, so she must be as well with her own duties.” Angelica added

"However, in her letters to both Hamilton and I, she seems in as good as spirits as ever. I am so glad Hamilton and I urged her to marry, it would be a shame if all my toil did not bear fruit.” She smiled softly.

Angelica agreed “She does seem happier than before, but I don’t believe it’s because of Mr Rensselear. Her lack of any desire to marry previously supports my theory. However, she seemed rather excited when she speaks of Mrs Manning within her letters (There are no letters of Peggy talking to Martha Manning, but it’s a cute ship, ok? Hear me out, I said there was gonna be bullshit and here it starts. I’m so sorry).”

This time, Eliza looked up, curious by this new information, “Mrs Manning? You mean the widow of poor Laurens, god rest his soul. The comrade of my husband, of which he was so fond of?”

“Yes, that Laurens is the one. His death is still a fresh wound within Mrs Manning’s heart, though not as fresh as the wound left by his sudden absence to partake in the war, leaving her and their daughter alone.” Angelica sighed in empathy.

Eliza tried not to look taken aback from this, though tightened fists betrayed her “I hope Peggy tells my deepest apologies to Mrs Mannings. I don’t think even my dear Hamilton was aware of that.”

“Well I think it’d be best if he continued to be unaware of that little tidbit, ignorance is a blessing.” The last thing Hamilton needed was more bad news to further his tension. “However, I don’t think it’s all bad. Mrs Manning seems to find comfort in Peggy, they have a close relationship, despite the fact they have only talked through letters. I met Mrs Manning in London, and all she did was speak of was compliments to our dear Peggy.” She spoke breaking into a soft smile as she remembered her visit to Mrs Manning, a soft-spoken bright-eyed woman who cared deeply for her daughter as an only mother. It was clear how much support Peggy gave to the woman.

Angelica then proceeded to laugh as she remembered one particular memory, " My favourite anecdote from her was surely one to behold. Apparently, Peggy, with her fiery tongue and wicked wit, wrote a very “colourful” letter to Laurens after she learned how he left Manning behind. Apparently it was so crude, Laurens burned it as not to continue imagining what Peggy would do to him if they ever met face to face."

This made Eliza laugh hard, the mere thought of small Peggy cursing like a sailor was far beyond amusing. “Are you sure? The way you paint Manning and Peggy to behave with one another, you surely make them sound… amatory.”

Angelica rolled her eyes and smirked at the mere thought. “Sister, are you mad? Such an idea is the sheer pinnacle of inconceivable. Such an immoral relationship is one neither women would ever partake in. Such a thing would be a severe blot on one's escutcheon. Lord knows they aren't as sinful as to find pleasure in such relations.”

Eliza bit her lip and looked down, embarrassed that she had mentioned it. “I, I know. My deepest apologies for bringing the topic up. How stupid of me, what was I thinking?.” She forced a terse laugh.

“Do not pay it no mind, it was merely a joke I understand. But speaking of amatory,” There was no way she could ignore it anymore, “How is your relationship with Alexander going along? When we left from your home, he seemed distant.”

Eliza looked upset when she brought up their relationship, maybe she shouldn’t have spoken about it. She loved her sister and wanted her to be happy more than anything. And if that meant ignoring a problem for a while, she’d do it. “If you don’t wanna talk about it that’s fine-“

“No, no. It’s ok,” Eliza insisted. “Its just, I received a letter from Alex last night.”

“Really?” Angelica asked inquisitively “At least he hasn’t forgotten about you entirely, for his bloody plan.”

Eliza was taken aback by Angelica’s sudden use of profanity “Hold your tongue, Angelica! That plan is important to Alexander, and as much of his attention and affection as it’s consumed; you need not swear him out for it."

“I’m sorry Eliza,” Angelica apologised, “it’s just that he seems to treat that plan with more adoration than you, if he cares about it so much, he might as well marry the damned thing.”

Eliza groaned “Language, again Angelica.” To which again Angelica gave another sincere apology. “It’s fine my dear. I just beg of you to not make a habit of such foul tongue.”

“I promise shall not, on my maidenhead at twelve years old" Angelica insisted. "I see my husband's knack for allusions to Shakespearian tragedies has rubbed off on you." Eliza teased. Angelica laughed heartily "Indeed it has," she then went on to ask, “So, pray tell my Lady, why such a grave reaction to your husband’s letter?”

Eliza looked down a picked a purple bell flower from a bunch protruding from the ground. “ His most current letter lacks the passion and intense love, his previous ones had. He seemed closed off and distant, using minimum effort in his phrasing. Has his feelings towards me, our marriage, us changed? Or, My love, is it that I have been spoiled by him, his eloquence, and his handsome word?"

Angelica seemed offended by this “How dare he! If it were any man, I may say you were being spoiled, however with Hamilton, for him to go from feast to famine in his letters seems so unnatural. I hope, nothing has happened while we were gone, for him to be like this.”

Panic flashed in Eliza’s eyes, and Angelica immediately knew she made a bad mistake by suggesting had happened while they were gone. “Oh god Angelica, what if something did happen! What if he’s hurt, what if he did something stupid, what if the plan—“ She started freaking out, her voice wavered and her petite frame shook.

Angelica put her hands on Eliza’s shoulders and held her firmly “Relax Elizabeth," She only called Elizabeth by her full name when she was serious, another habit she picked up from Alexander, "I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sure nothing has happened, nor will anything bad happen anytime soon. You're a lovely woman with a beautiful family, and Hamilton wouldn’t dare sacrifice that. He’s smarter than that. And I know Jefferson, he’s strong headed and traditional. But if I can get through to him, so can Hamilton. Now breath dear, breath.”

Eliza took in a series of deep slow breaths and calmed down. She stopped her shaking and looked back at her sister. “you're right, of course, your right. You're always right.”

Angelica nodded “Of course I am. That’s enough of talking about Hamilton for today, why don’t we discuss lighter topics. We should also finish the baked goods, they are getting cold.” To which Eliza nodded and they began eating again. Once finished, they lied down next to one another, and peacefully gossiped about the more happy news. Angelica spoke of all the things she had experienced in London, and Eliza spoke of her children and how they had grown so quickly. As they spoke, they looked at the younglings that passed by, either with family or lovers, and admired at what it’d be like to be that young again. They then got up and went and rode horses, to Eliza’s suggestion of course as that was one of her favourite pass times.

It is now, looking back on that day, that Angelica regrets these moments. They felt right then, to shield Eliza and herself from a typhoon of truth rushing towards them. Even now it feels right, as it kept Eliza safe. But She also knows, deep down, that if they had read the letter together, analysed it, discussed it, went back to Hamilton and talked to him, and dragged him upstate against his will to relax. Maybe, just maybe, the avalanche that would be all their lives later wouldn’t have occurred.

Angelica, kind Angelica who loved her sister more than the world itself, would be one of the very key factors of the collapse of Eliza's world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: There are no letters of Peggy talking to Martha Manning, as I claim there is in this story, but it’s a cute ship, ok? Hear me out, I said there was gonna be bullshit and here it starts. I’m so sorry.


	2. Of Vice Against Virtue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria was essentially picking her poison. James was her hemlock, but Hamilton was her cyanide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Reynolds-Hamilton affair done from Maria's perspective, so there is a lot of internalised slut-shaming, victim-blaming, and self-hate. As well there is a non-con, borderline rape scene, and while it isn't super graphic, it's still pretty graphic, and Hamilton is a horrible person in this chapter so if you're uncomfortable with that, please avoid this chapter.

Maria Reynolds is not an idiot. She is many things: a woman, a wife, a mother, but if there is one thing she can pride herself on not being, that's an idiot. So when she walked to that man’s residence in Philadelphia, she knew she had to be ready for anything. The walk was brisk, he worked close from where she was in residence currently. She froze at his door and bit her brick red lips. She willed herself up the three steps. They were nothing, but she felt like the British in the Battle of Cowpens: forced uphill, disorganised, and weakened both physically and psychologically. 

  


Once at the rosewood door, she knocked three times precisely and sharply. Giving off a facade of bravado, an air of confidence she did not possess, and she stood to her tallest height to add to the effect. As expected, she heard thumping steps and then the slow methodic  creak of the opening door. There he was, the man she came to see in all his glory: Alexander Hamilton. She dared her eyes to meet his, but they immediately dropped without her permission. It wasn’t that she couldn’t read them, she lived with James she could read them without a second thought. It was just the intensity they held was too difficult for her to handle. They were like molten iron with dark bags underneath as though he had barely slept for days. Embarrassed by her own failure to hold her own, she pretended as though she was merely looking over to scan the inside of his home. She saw stacks of papers all over a desk, messily strewn across beside a pot of ink and a quill. She then looked at his hands, they were ink-stained, and he had blisters from the quill on his writing hand. 

  


She didn’t realise she had forgotten to speak and introduce herself, until the irritated Hamilton cleared his voice and spoke, clearly angry with her presence. “Who are you? I don’t mean to sound impudent but I’m not in the mood to deal with trivial matters and trivial people.”

  


She lowered herself into a deep curtsy before speaking “Sir, My names is Mrs Maria Reynolds. I know you are a man of honour, and I’m so sorry to bother you at a home Mr Hamilton, but I came here all alone with nowhere to go. My husband’s been beating me, cheating me, mistreating me and I am lost and afraid.” 

  


Hamilton rubbed his forehead and groaned “I am so sorry about that, but Mrs Reynolds I am no miracle worker. I cannot help you with that, I have nothing but deep pity, but if you want me to do something about it I am afraid something like that is something that cannot be undone. You should have been more careful with the man you chose to marry.” He then stepped back to close the door again. 

  


Maria stuck her arm out to keep it from closing, “No! Sir, please let me finish with my pleas, I beg of you. Hear me out.” Her voice cracked slightly, showing how desperate she was, and she hated herself and how obvious it was. 

  


Hamilton stopped and turned around. He raised a brow up to his hairline, clearly questioning her, “What is it?”

  


“My husband, he’s abandoned me, us. I have a daughter, she is just a child, and I have no money nor means of getting us back home. I merely request for enough money to transport us back to New York City, to stay with my family.” She requested, softening her voice to a pleading whimper.

  


Hamilton’s sharp features softened to one of pity, and it ate at Maria from the inside. She hated it, the few people who knew the truth about James always gave her that look and it destroyed her. She wanted to scream, there was no respect in his eyes in any of theirs. Only silently emoted “Well isn’t that a shame”s, "I’m so glad I’m not her”s, and "poor girl”s. A powerful surge of want rushed through her. Want to grab him by the cravat and pull him forward, she wanted to hiss darkly at him that she didn’t need his superficial kindness. She didn’t need him; however, the thing was that she did. “Please, sir.” She despised the total and utter defeat that sang through her veins.

  


He sighed “I understand, please give me a second.” And then Hamilton briskly walked back inside and soon returned once again, 30 dollars in hand. 

  


She took the money and ran her fingers over the paper counting up all the bills, before looking up at him. “Thank you very much, sir.” 

  


He waved it off like it was inconsequential “It’s fine. However, you do have a place to stay here, no?” And when she nodded in reply and told him where she lived, he added: “Let me walk you home, it isn’t very far, and for a young woman such as yourself to walk outside this late would be dangerous.”

  


“You’re too kind sir, you don’t have to.” She knew he still was going to to, and she didn’t want to thank him, but she also knew she going to either way.

  


And so he offered his arm to her, which she politely took, and he ushered her home. The walk was silent, he had nothing to say to her. She was just some middle-class woman he'd never met before, he had no use for her. She was a dime a dozen, she would never be the unique once in a lifetime genius and passion that was Alexander Hamilton. 

 

As they travelled, it became more and more clear to Maria that there was an unmistakable look in his eyes when he offered to walk her home. She felt the way every time she moved away from him, he'd pull her back in with a subtle but sharp tug. She knew what contract she had signed when she took that money from him. Her breath quickened as they got closer to her house, getting increasingly ragged as they were meters away. She even saw him glance over to her, noticing how nervous she seemed. 

 

Once they arrived she took in a deep shaky breath and stopped walking causing him to stop as well. "This one's mine sir." She commented as she turned to look at the small compact building, squished between two others. “I am forever in debt for what you’ve done for me."

 

She then began walking inside, thinking maybe she was wrong about what Hamilton. Maybe he truly was a better than taking advantage of her situation. And then he spoke "Let me walk you inside, I might as well be a gentleman all the way." She sighed and nodded understandingly, she indeed understood, she understood what he wanted from her, understood he was no better than who she expected him to be. 

 

However she was ready for it, she was doing this for her daughter. Her beautiful daughter, the light of her life, she'd hang herself for her if she had to. She wanted to hang herself right now, truth be told. She didn’t want to see this ugly side to Alex and herself.

 

She walked meticulously to the door aware of every bodily movement. And when she entered, Hamilton trailing behind. Inside, her daughter was sleeping soundly, nestled in the upholstery of a large cushioned seat. 

 

"Is that your daughter?" Hamilton asked, his voice on edge.

 

"Yes, she's beautiful isn't she?" She murmured as she walked over to her child and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, causing her to toss and turn but she didn't wake, thankfully. 

 

"She's not that much younger than my Phillip. How old were you when you-" he began asking, but Maria didn't let him finish, wouldn't let him dare. She loved her child like the air itself, but unlike most mothers she despised the day her child was born. That day was the day Maria finally gave up hope, finally realized it was the death of any future where she could be more than a good housewife, more than a move made by her father to climb the social ranks, more than just a provider of a son, more than a failure of all those things she was meant to be.

 

"I was either 16 or 17 I honestly can't remember." She spoke, her voice harsher than she intended it to be. 

 

He relaxed his hands but he did not pull away. “I’m glad I could help you and your child at least.”

 

_Don’t drag my daughter into your own selfish desires_ , She thought, balling her fists as not to speak it out loud. “I am forever grateful, I am willing to do anything in return.” She spoke through gritted teeth, but fluttered her eyelashes to keep up the front. If this is what he wanted, if this is what kept her safe, by god she’d do it. 

 

His restraint was running out and she could see she was running out of time, she could hear it in his voice. She could feel it in the way he walked up to her from behind “You don’t say." he whispered breathily in her ear, before trailing his hands down her neck to her shoulders. She flinched from the sensation, but Hamilton's grip on her shoulders suddenly turned vise-like. 

 

 "Watch your hands, Mr Hamilton." She winced, his grip was painful, it would bruise. That was his intent.

 

"I'm so sorry," it was clear as day that he didn't care how he handled her. _Be as rough with the merchandise as you want as long as you don't break it._ "I have a habit of holding tighter onto things I don't plan on letting go, things I _**want**_." 

 

She turned around to face him, struggling as he still held onto her. "Don't play games with me, sir.” She spoke softly, but truth be told she wanted to spit at him, tell him to get away, to stay back.

 

He looked at her with surprise, his expression read _Your still calling me sir, after all this?_ to which it then went to, _Yes, call me sir. I have power over you. I’m above you, be grateful for this._  He let one of his hands travel down her body and proceed to grab her by the waist and pull her in. A cold shiver ran down her spine, but she couldn’t escape. _He’ll take the money and leave, you’d be a disgrace, he’ll spread rumors and destroy you if you turn back now_ , her brain added unhelpfully."Dear, I'm sure you are well aware that patience is a virtue unbeknownst to me, I have been forced to deal with things I'd rather not, and for once I'd like to get my way and you are going to give me that.” He growled harshly, his mouth breathing hot air along her neck. She felt disgusting; she felt filthy.

 

She sighed, so many different ways to beg him to stop, beg him to do anything else to her, beg him just not to go through with this, raced through her mind. She listened to none of them and began walking him upstairs, arm still around her waist. She knew it was all over, it was all over the moment he entered the house. When they entered the room, and Maria closed the door. She looked up at him, a deep fear possessing her, and Hamilton seemed to revel in it. “Please sir, tell me, why I am doing this?” It was more of a request for an explanation than a question. She needed a way to justify her actions to herself, needed something to feel not as utterly disgusting, something to stop her burning desire to throw herself out the closest window.

He pushed her harshly into  a wall. "Well isn't it obvious, Maria." He used her first name, a clear show of the lack of respect he had for her, he didn't see them as equals, he knew he was above her in every sense, and he was treating her like trash. Maria would have come up with a clever comeback, but she saw that this man was putting up this horrific front to deal with something pent up in him, and men like that are dangerous. Men like that are James. "You owe me Maria, and you can't pay me in any other way." 

 

"You know for a genius you are incredibly predictable.” She murmured under her breath, she didn’t think he would hear her. He did.

 

He grabbed her by the wrists and shoved her further into the rough surface, causing her to gasp. The fear coming back ten fold. He leaned in "I've been dealing with incompetent pigs, while trying to save this country and the last thing I need is some ungrateful wanton whoring herself out to me for 30 dollars insulting me like she has the mental capacity to understand what I'm doing, when she clearly is too stupid to even get her head out of her ass.” Maria clammed up, her eyes widened, and adrenaline rushed through her like this situation was life or death, her breath came out as gasps as she shook. Tears started running down her cheeks He pressed harder into her wrists, she knew they'd bruise as he spat at her, “Shut up, stop crying." He looked at her like she was the literal scum of the earth. _**I am**_ , she thought. 

 

That was the moment that it set in for Maria, that this was real, this was actually happening and she was going through with this. Her heart sank to her stomach and she felt she was going to dry heave at the thought of his hand on her throat. "Yes...sir" hating herself when the words came out, hating how submissive she sounded, how she felt just as hopeless around him as around James. How he was consuming her like a void.

 

"Good girl." He growled possessively into her ear. He didn't treat her like a paramour, didn't treat her like a second wife, he didn’t even grant her the basic dignity of treating her like a person. She was his stress toy, a toy to push his limits with. Someone finally couldn’t refuse him. After hearing people shout “No” against him and his plan for so long, he wanted it all to disappear, and she would do just the trick. 

 

He slammed his lips against hers, to make sure she didn’t scream. To drown out her “No”s, to drown out his conscious. His hands began travelling down her body, going over as much as he could through her crimson dress. His hands left trails of goosebumps and fevered skin in their wake. Every cell in her body screamed, instead of a haze setting in her senses heightened and she was suddenly aware of every detail, from the small scars on Hamiltons hands to the predator-like apathy in his expression. Her lungs pressed against her ribs and she wanted to close her eyes and scream. She tried to form the words “No. Stop.” against his lips but that seemed to enrage him, be bit her lip, hard, so hard he broke skin. She tasted copper and felt blood trickle down her chin. It would form a scar, be a permanent reminder of today. Her punishment for resisting. She had to be good, she could be so good for him, be so good for her.  So thus began her soft “Yes”s, . They rolled off her tongue until they built into a mighty crescendo.

 

They weren’t forced. Maybe it was because some sick twisted part of her that enjoyed this sense of rebellion, this feeling of utter failure to her family and country. It felt like an escape, from her world, from her husband. But now she was finally doing something to go against him, her only reason for existence till now, and it was grossly relieving. By saying yes to Hamilton, as much as it wrecked every part of her being, it allowed her to say No to Reynolds. And because of that, she had never felt more alive in her life, never buzzed more with energy. _You’re a failure at every benchmark for being a wife, might go all the way with it. You good for nothing **whore**._ Every yes allowed her to drift further from James, she was essentially picking her poison. And Hamilton was her cyanide, compared to Jame’s Hemlock. She was going to let him destroy her life from the inside out in a way so fast and sudden it was too late to save her from the very beginning.

 

With every external “yes” and every internal “no”, while he ripped off her clothes and added bruises and scratches, and other violent marks to signal he used her that competed even with the ones James had left. Yes the two men may be radically different in the way they carried out their lives and the what they sought from her, to James she was a right and to Hamilton she was freedom, but how they viewed her as an individual was no different; therefore, they were the same with the way they treated her. 

 

Hamilton’s fire that so quickly engulfed her powerless body as quickly died out, in his rush to completion. Before she even knew it, it was done. She didn’t even remember when it stopped and when they were just lying in bed. When it went from screaming to sobbing into a pillow. When it went from harsh words and sadistic gleams to Hamilton staring emptily into his lap, he had muttered a soft “oh god” like only know he had realized what he’d done, and that was when Maria wanted to lash out at him. After all this, now he had the dignity of caring. A few minutes later, Hamilton stood up, ready to grab his clothes and leave. Suddenly, from somewhere in Maria that she didn’t know she had, she suddenly reached out and grabbed his wrist “I’m so sorry.” She susurrated. He looked confused, mad at her apologies. He didn’t understand.

 

Of course, he didn’t, he'd never bother to understand her because he kept coming back, he didn’t stop coming back, and every time she’d beg him to stop she’d apologise profusely and talk about how she was destroying their lives. Then he’d shut her up and they’d start from square one. They’d repeat the whole dance: apologies, screaming, apathy, damage, and emptiness all over again. Until one day she gave up, she stopped arguing, she’d grown hollow and worn out. She didn’t speak, she did’ t move, she didn’t look at him. It was probably better for him, he got what he wanted with less hassle. He was a busy man, and she might as well make it easier on both of them. It was at a time she realised she had nothing to lose, she never did, but Hamilton did. He had a loving wife, she had seen Eliza before, he had children that mattered, he didn’t fail everyone. And here she was destroying that, corrupting that, she gave him what he wanted in the first place. She should’ve done it, she could’ve found someone else to get money from. She could’ve protected her child, but this was all a ticking time bomb and she knew she had messed up from day one and her baby wasn’t safe. She had ruined everything, she dragged Hamilton down to her level. She tainted his perfect image, she had corrupted his legacy. It was now twisted and kinked, it’d never be the same again. 

 

Thankfully, Hamilton didn’t know how she’d poisoned his little seed called a legacy until he found out. James Reynolds, he had written a letter to Hamilton explaining he knew everything. That was the day Hamilton realised she had tarnished the thing most sacred to him, had managed to attack his most personal treasure. That was the day Maria finally showed emotion, once again it was to beg and scream and plea for Hamilton to not pay the blackmail. This was all her fault, and she was willing to take the blame. Her daughter would be better without a monster like Maria in her life, a repulsive good for nothing slut who selfishly kept allowing Hamilton into her life. He wasn’t too blame, Maria must have done something, said something, given some sort of look, for him to want her. It was her fault, for being a bad wife, for letting him stare at her, for letting him take her. She spilt out every drop of pain to Hamilton, she couldn’t let him continue paying, for her to owe him any more than she already did. She was essentially putting the bullet into Hamilton’s gone to shoot her before she bleeds out to death. However, Hamilton, stupid naïve Hamilton thought he could still save what had become of them. He paid the blackmail, which ate at her, every day she told him the truth would come to light eventually and she’d rather she do it herself, and every day he’d shut her up, and every day he paid James. 

 

Low and behold, one day it all did come to light. Hamilton had once again taken away from her the one thing she wanted, to do it herself, to be the one to destroy her own life as she had done to him, to have some sort of sick revenge to herself. He had to take that away from her, by writing that god fucking pamphlet. And she didn’t even get to know till it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will probably be the revealing of the pamphlet and the beginning of post-pamphlet from both Angelica and Maria's perspectives. After this they probably will meet.


	3. The Scale of the Concern with Reynolds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's a woman, and women stick together,” Eliza stated, shoulders rolled back with confidence. Angelica had never been prouder of her sister than right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I post so infrequently, but finals are coming up soon. I'll try to post more often, though. (Also in the bottom notes I'm mentioning spoilery things for the fic, so don't read them if you don't want that)

Everyday Angelica wishes she could go back in time. If she had known about Hamilton's affair a little earlier, if she had known about the affair, if she had known about the pamphlet, maybe she could have stopped it. Maybe she could have done something. She wants to go back, but alas, she learned about it later than she hoped, she lived in London so it took an elongated amount of time for the news to travel to her hemisphere. But you better believe as soon as it reached, she knew about it. She had connections. She was an insider in many groups and often made jokes about how she hid gossip and rumours within her hair. But now was not the time for jokes, when she had learned about the pamphlet she absolutely refused to accept people's words as truth. The idea of Alexander, her dear Alexander who wrote empires of love letters to Eliza, cheating on her sister with some common broad was inconceivable. Then she remembered her conversation with Eliza at the lake on their vacation together, and then she had read the pamphlet, and as much as she craved for it all to be false she knew Hamilton and she knew he had written nothing but the truth. She truly didn't understand what benefit he got from this, what statement he was accentuating, what he was trying to prove. For the first time since they met, she didn't understand him, she was perplexed and felt he was impossibly idiotic for doing this. His actions were one thing, but revealing them to the whole world was another.

Once she had read the pamphlet, she almost immediately sailed to America with her family, convincing her husband they should move back to America as he could still keep wealthy there and she could help her sister who was probably struggling. On her travels there, she was nervous and couldn't help the stress that consumed her. When they docked in port, Angelica practically threw her luggage at her poor husband and went into a sprint for her sister and Alexander's home. They had given her a spare key for whenever she came, so she didn't even bother to knock at the door. She immediately unlocked it, and she entered the home. She was about to call out for her sister and Alexander when she heard the two of them, they were arguing, they were enraged more than ever before. The hurt and lividity were almost palpable in Eliza's tone. It made Angelica cringe in sympathy and her own anger at Hamilton. But she continued not to speak, instead deciding to ease drop on their exchange. 

“Eliza, hear me out, you don’t understand-“ Hamilton began as if he was starting up on one of his usual long rants in his ‘I-was-right-all-along-and-you-just-do-not-understand-my-genius’ voice, but Eliza quickly cut him off in a voice she had never heard from her before. 

“No, you don’t understand! You make mistakes and then you don’t even have the dignity of admitting them to face, you have to throw away me and our family, and all for a failed attempt to save face, to save your legacy. It truly means more to you than me? Than us?” Her indignation and vexation which was previously on a low simmer, flared up fiery as she gave him a piece of her mind. “You didn’t even help yourself, you made us all look worse.”

“Eliza! They, Jefferson, Madison, and Burr, they knew about it. I knew they’d use it against me, I couldn’t let them be the ones to destroy me. I had to be the better man, to show how they were being, I had to show the truth.” He explained

“Even if they did tell Hamilton, no one would believe them, they didn’t have proof, Hamilton. Don’t give their taunts the time of day, you're wasting your time on airy words and school boy taunts!” Eliza snapped back, not going to take any of his excuses, after all this, he still refused to take the blame, to apologise. “You won’t even say sorry for your stupidity, for your cruelty.”

“I shouldn’t have to apologise for doing what’s right, I was taken advantage of for my money and I merely told the world about it.” He tried to justify himself

Eliza let out a frustrated groan “Hamilton you did everything wrong. Will you ever learn that your actions have consequences that extend further than yourself, and if you want to become a powerful man you need to understand that. You can’t just focus on yourself selfishly. And don’t give me, the “you were extorted” bullshit. I’ve met Maria, I’ve read your damn pamphlet, everything you stated was biassed garbage.”

Hamilton took great offence at this “Bias?! Eliza, you weren’t in my situation, you weren’t the one being blackmailed for money.”

She rolled her eyes “You could have paid the money without seeing her, but you kept going after her. You wanted it, Hamilton, you were the one who offered it in the first place. You’re just so desperate to be right, to be the good guy, to keep your flawless record, you’re trying to expose her for lies and crimes she never committed.”

Hamilton scoffed “Why do you care so much about her, I thought this is about us.”

Eliza narrowed her eyes “It is, it is about us. Her and me, you told the whole world about bringing, no dragging her, into our bed. She was a poor young girl, her daughter is as old as our own Angelica, she’s never had a real life, and you knew that yet you paint her as a, as a-“

Hamilton cut her off “I showed her what she was the manipulative skank she was, taking advantage of me. I don’t know why she’s so important to you, Eliza, she’s just a-“

 

“She's a woman, and women stick together,” Eliza stated, shoulders rolled back with confidence. Angelica had never been prouder of her sister than right now. “you took advantage of her, not the other way around so stop trying to make it like that.”

Hamilton tried to reply “They took my mon-“

Eliza, “Don’t start about that with me Hamilton, I read her letters. She didn’t want you to pay the blackmail, she blamed herself for this, and you exposing the pamphlet makes her only continue to. She probably feels you didn’t do anything wrong and that’s the worst part.”

Angelica felt a pang of guilt go through her, she was so focused on Hamilton she skipped over Maria’s letters as she saw Maria as some slut desperate for money. She should have realised that as talented as Hamilton was with words, he wasn’t one for unbiased strictly formative writing, she was so wrapped up with him she hadn’t bothered to see things from the other woman’s perspective. Even now, Alexander, the alexander she didn’t understand, consumed her, ate away at her.

“Hamilton what did you do to her?” Eliza finally asked, breaking a silence that had built up during Angelica’s inner thoughts.

“What?” Hamilton looked confused.

“You heard me, what did you do to her.” Eliza insisted. 

“Eliza,” he said, trying to avoid answering the question, even he couldn’t admit some things. “It doesn’t matter what I did, whatever I did to her she deserved, and I’d never ever in a million years do that to you, sweetheart.” He tried to wrap his arms around her but she moved away from his touch.

“How dare you, how dare you justify your behaviour. It doesn’t matter if you’d do it to me or not, the fact is you did it. You said she deserved it, the fact you won’t say sorry, no wonder she thinks the way she does.” She snapped at him before she finally realised she was shaking violently “What makes us different Hamilton? Why is it ok for you to do things to her, but I’m a different situation. What makes me safe from you? We’re both wives with the same lives.”

Hamilton for once was at a loss for words, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Every answer he could provide would upset Eliza, every answer he could provide exposed how backwards his thinking was. “She has a different life than you Eliza, her husband left her and she needed to do something, she came to me and I needed relief.”

She laughed it was terse and harsh, “So I got lucky huh, that’s it? It wasn’t karma, it wasn’t god, it was luck. She got unlucky and she got punished, then she tried to help herself, and then people like you use her, you punish her, continue to bring her down, and when you face consequences you throw her into the storm to keep yourself in this little eye you created for yourself. She’s practically dead cause she got unlucky. The universe has a funny way of working.” Her shaking only worsened, it was not she realised she couldn’t breathe, her lungs went into overdrive and pressed and pulled against her chest desperate to get oxygen but they couldn’t work right, her ribs stretching as they barely contain them, her whole torso was sore as she heaved softly. 

Hamilton stretched his arm out to hold her hand, and she snatched it away. “Don’t Eliza me, Hamilton. Your toxic is what you are, I can’t even look you in the eye anymore. You’re leaving, pack your things, you can stay in your other residence in the city where your office is.”

Hamilton was taken aback, his eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. “What? Eliza, what do you mean? These are my children too, I provide for this household you can’t just kick me out.”

She grabbed a suitcase near one of their couches and threw it at the man. “You can provide for us 20 blocks away. You aren’t safe, our children aren’t safe around you. You’re not the same man.” He truly wasn’t, even Angelica could see. There was such a difference from when she saw him a year ago, he looked cold, cut off, there was a certain deadness in his eyes masked by rage that made her squirm. She felt it was impossible this was truly the same Hamilton, the dear sweet passionate Hamilton she had grown to love. He seemed so old, so tired, so hollow… "If you truly love us you’ll understand.” Eliza continued. She then muttered under her breath “After two years of this, to be honest, all I can see you now as is a monster who sees humans only as what they can provide for you and opportunities, not as living people. You just- Hamilton. I don’t care who she is or what she did, god I can’t even imagine what you did. I don’t want to imagine, all I know is that you’re better, supposed to be better, than those kinds of people. Those kinds of people are filth Alexander, those kinds of people are garbage.” As she spoke, she increasingly aggravated Hamilton with her words. 

Hamilton instinctively raised his hand at her at her last sentence, and Angelica was ready to run out between them. But Eliza didn’t flinch, Eliza looked him dead in the eye, her expression stern and knowing. Even when Angelica couldn’t read Hamilton, his wife still could and it mystified Angelica. “Hamilton, you know.” She spoke firmly and calmly, she had managed to calm herself down from the anger she had built up inside her. “Why must you fight a losing battle Hamilton, you know, and yet you choose to cover your eyes.” 

Angelica watched intently at what Hamilton’s next move would be, but alas he just hung his head and sighed. “Eliza if this is truly what you want my love. I’ll pack and leave to my nearby residence. Please tell the children I love them, take care.” And with that, Hamilton went upstairs to get his bags, without anger, without resistance. There was something so painfully defeated in his voice it hurt her.

Before he entered his room upstairs he turned and looked back, directly at Angelica. “Hello Angelica, I’m so sorry you had to hear all that.” So he knew she was there all this time.

“I am too, Angelica. I don’t want you to think we don’t love each other. We really do, it’s just thinks are broken and we can’t fix them.” So Eliza knew as well. Hamilton had already closed the door behind him and had started packing once Eliza had spoken so Angelica couldn’t reply to him.

“Eliza what was that about? I came here to tell you I’m staying, I’m here to help. Do you need help? Hamilton’s being incredibly t-“ Angelica started, panicking over her sister.

her sister cut her off calmly “I’m fine, but I need to see Maria. Please, come with me.”

Angelica took her arm and nodded, why Maria? Why now? Of all times, now with her husband leaving Eliza should be thinking about herself and her children, not this…Maria. However, she did not argue. “As you wish.”

And with that, they were off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys if you see a few extra tags, I’d like to say I’ve decided to change the focus of this story. While Maria and Angelica are still the central relationship, I'm making Eliza and Hamilton and their relationship and Eliza's relationship with Maria more central to the plot as well. And I am going to focus on her opinion of Maria and her situation. Because this whole fic is the progression of Maria’s situation and her relationship with Angelica and how it’s views through multiple Points of views. Also I know he looks like it right now, but Hamilton isn't the straw man okay and there are real reasons why I picked Angelica over Eliza to ship together because Eliza and Maria would be like really unhealthy.


End file.
